"Beauty in our Brokenness"
I used to give myself pep talks whenever I was going through some difficult “life stuff.” Be strong, Leah. Get over it. Life moves on. This pep talk is cute and all but when I experienced a season of heartbreak and deep disappointment, I found that it was no longer sufficient for the condition of my heart. Rather, what was most effective to my healing was when I began to honestly address the brokenness I felt and allowed myself to process through the emotions that accompanied it. The beauty in our brokenness is found in the fact that while we are at our weakest and most vulnerable state, God is near and he is ready to tend to our hearts as soon as we invite him in. Yes, even into the messiest areas. You know, that part of our hearts that we like to “shove under the rug” and pretend is not there because we like to think we are ok and we have it all together!
I decided it was time to feel honestly and deeply. I found myself hurt, disappointed, confused, angry and frustrated at something that did not unfold the way that I had hoped, expected and, even prayed for. Too often, we are so quick to dismiss the feelings that don’t feel good. I learned and I am still learning that God gives us permission to be emotional beings. We can be honest, messy, raw, and undignified before Him. He can handle it all. He prefers that more than when we gloss over our pain. Some of us are so quick to plaster on a smile, numb the pain and mindlessly recite scripture over our hearts. I can recall many moments in this past year that I’ve gotten real with God about my hurts and disappointments. Those moments, although messy at first, have allowed me to feel the most clarity and peace in return. Not to mention, it has brought me to a different level of intimacy with the Lord.
We can be honest, messy, raw, and undignified...
He can handle it all. He prefers that more than when we gloss over our pain. Some of us are so quick to plaster on a smile, numb the pain and mindlessly recite scripture over our hearts.
I learned in this season that he really is near the broken-hearted and that’s not just a scripture I’m throwing around but it’s something that I’ve experienced firsthand. His love is unconditional. He doesn’t love me any more based on how strong and put together I feel and he doesn’t love me any less when all I want to do is collapse in His arms. He told me not to rush so quickly out of that place of weakness and vulnerability because then, I was doing it in my own strength. He taught me that the most courageous thing I could do for myself in that season was to take time and leave room for Him to take care of my heart. This doesn’t mean we sit and dwell in that place but it means we have taken an honest inventory of our hearts and are willing to get real with ourselves and with God. The sooner we deal with it, the sooner we’ll get ourselves out.
The reality is that unless we confront the pain, we only allow it to fester in our hearts which causes even more damage in the long run. This only brings us further away from our healing and restoration. It is so healthy for us to be able to assess what’s going on in our hearts so that we have greater awareness of what we need from God. He cares about the details and he cares about meeting the specific needs of our hearts.
There is beauty in our brokenness . Yet I’ve learned that it’s not so much the brokenness that is beautiful but more so, the courage to be honest with ourselves and with God in the midst of our brokenness. There is beauty in the process. There is beauty in stripping away the pressure of having it all together and realizing how much we desperately need Him. There is so much beauty in knowing that our God is always faithful to pick us up and love us into wholeness.